Four months and going strong

Mistress,

So it's almost 4 months together now. It's been so fucking fun. And frustrating, but I come to that little later. I can't say if this been like I expected, because I really didn't expect anything. I had no experience. And I wanted to go and look what happens. And there's been a lot of things changing.
I'm starting to learn more and more what I like and what not. Who and what kind of submissive I am. And still, almost every week I find some new things inside me, or realized that things I though I like weren't really that way.

Like panties and thongs and schoolgirl uniform and so on. Not a sissy thing or transvestism or girly thing. Really, just a fucking slutty thing. Even my pinkish toe nails don't make me feel girly.
And I don't really even think if if just a fetish thing or whatever. Why should I need to know more than that you like me wear those now and then, and that those make me feel even more like slut. Your slut. That's enough for me.

We have tried a little public thing. Not exposing to public, but kinda like hidden public playing. And that made me so fucking nervous. And I found out that I have trouble writing a bout that experience to blog. Not that it was too hard or made me feel bad. it's just me and privacy. But let's say to readers that it include toilets and butt plugs and red lipstick kissed. Hardware store (why the hell I bought those clips), more toilets, fitting room mirror and cum. But thank god, no licking.
Oh and there were also water filled balloons and thongs.

I had my instruction on mp3 player. Mistress recorded them to me before and I was to listen first piece of those at home to know how it starts. And then stop. Do what's said and continue listen next part. It was so much fun. Listening my Mistress's voice. Much better than reading instructions. It also gave me more courage to do things. Almost like you were there with me. Almost, but not quite. I don't think that it can be closer to that without some kind of on line thing. Like some kind of machine where you talk and other people hear it somewhere else. Hey, wait (sorry I couldn't resist). Anyways, it was actually better than talking to phone. I had no way to try to say: no, please do I have to do THIS. So I just did all things. And now I'm starting to be turned on again. I mean more turned on. And that leads to other thing.

I've been giving more and more control away lately. And fucking loved it. It's hard sometimes, and I'm going to break those rules in future. Not in purpose I hope, but by accident. It's just going to happen, I know that I just have suffer consequences then. And this doesn't mean that I take my rules lightly, I just mean that you can't go on without making any errors. And realizing that it won't be devastating to me when I found out that I did something wrong.

Yes, that giving away control. I can't fucking touch my cock anymore without permission. And I'm waiting for my chastity belt to arrive. Why did I give up all that control. And does it work when you're other side of ocean. Well, I love being under your control and while it makes me so fucking frustrated it also makes me feeling incredibly turned on. That's why I works so well. And hey, I'm submissive so it kinda comes naturally. I just want to so fucking much to please you.

My shyness is also fading, but it's not going away completely. Ever. And I love that too. I love that "what, you want me to do that?" rush. Being on web cam is so much easier now, except masturbating on cam. I don't know why. Maybe it's just such an intimate thing to do while someone else is watching. Hard to relax. And if I'm not relax... ...well, think of yourself.

And more about that giving away control. Now I don't have to say what happens. Not to fucking anything. We''ll there are hard limits, and my vanilla time, and if something comes up you have always been very flexible. And you also know when to push and when not. And you don't rush things. And that's a fucking good thing. Everything has come so naturally now. Like me offering more control to you. I just felt like it. Felt like that was what I need. Next step toward something. I don't know to what, but I'm sure it's going to be fun too.

And then there is pain. Even that goes so fucking well. I'm turning toward a pain slut too. And there's that little sadist inside you Mistress. Not a cruel one. As I'm not into extreme pain. But pain nevertheless. Like those clips from hardware store. Fucking alligator teeth clips that are made to use on curtains. They fucking hurts so much on my nipples. Fuucking long 15 minutes. And flicking them may time just before taking them off. Oh god. That was so close to my limit that anything can be. Without going over. And I know that If you hadn't been there on line with me, I just couldn't have kept them on. And there was also one more reason that helped. I knew that if it's too much and I have to take them off you wouldn't be upset. You know that I wouldn't do that unless I really have to. And that made me keeping them on.

So how things are now. Hmm. Nah, just kidding, I don't have to think of it.

Right now I'm one very happy submissive slut.

I love you Mistress.

And thank god I have a Mistress who loves her slut using F word.

sam

P.S. To readers of this blog. As you know I'm not English speaking person. And I ain't a good with writing in Finish either. So writing in English is slow and sometimes quite a painful process for me. And I tried to keep updating this blog very often. But it started to feel like weight on my back. Hard obligation, not something fun to share. So there was this break in writing. But it feels easier now. And I'm not going to think if I will write good or even decent English. I just can't think of that. So you just have suffer with bad sentences and typos and gerally speaking little less 'quality' text. But in exchange I try to keep this blog updated regularly. Don't know yet how often, but not this long breaks anymore.